Symptoms of Stress Grow Out of Unrealistic Expectations
One of the most powerful factors in our happiness is the set of expectations that we bring to a situation and to a relationship. We we expect our job to be the perfect job, we will be disappointed. If we expect parenting to to fit our fantasy of what family life is “supposed to be,” then we will be more frustrated than satisfied. Unrealistic expectations just add a load of the symptoms of stress that is not necessary.
If we expect a vacation to turn out just the way we envisioned it, then we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. Punctual people who expect that they will continue to be on time everywhere even though they have two small children are just stockpiling the symptoms of stress.
Symptoms of Stress Grow Out of Categorical Thinking
Situations, problems, and relationship conflicts often seem chaotic. Our brains naturally try to impose an order on life so that we can make sense of it. One of the ways we do this is by constantly putting things in category. When we meet someone we ask what work they do. Once they answer, “I’m an engineer,” we stick them in the engineer category.
If feels better to have things and people in categories. And many things in life do make sense when they are put in categories. There’s night and there is day, there is light and there is dark, there is mean and there is nice. Food items are easier to find in a store because they are categorized.
Reduce Stress by Switching to Continuum Thinking
The problem is that so many things in life do not fit well into categories. By engaging in all-or-nothing, categorical thinking we encourage the symptoms of stress to breed and multiply before our very eyes.
Do you have a good job or do you have a bad job? Hmm…. Well, if you have a job that has most of what you want in a job then you you will probably say you have a good job. If you have a “bad marriage” then what does this mean? Is it completely bad? If so, then your decisions should be easier to make.
In my observations of people, including myself, we create a lot of stress that we don’t have to have when we insist on putting things in categories that are better handled with continuum thinking. The next time you pronounce something to be a catastrophe, consider reframing it in terms of a more or less instead of all or nothing.
Whether it’s the amount of beef in Taco Bell’s taco “meat,” or evaluating your success in life we usually have fewer symptoms of stress when we think in terms of a continuum.